yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
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I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
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i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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