don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
