somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
from now on my penis is your penis
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
