You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
