You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Acid is not a monday night drug
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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