So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
