when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
