I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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