You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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