At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Randomize
