my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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