Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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