She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my being single is dangerous.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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