you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
