I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
