I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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