Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
