I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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