He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize