Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
