I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
