My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
