Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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