I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
