i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
