He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
