we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
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he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.