Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
