we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
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who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
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were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.