why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
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I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.