I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair