also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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