i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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