Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
