5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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