yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Randomize
