was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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