Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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