my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
