I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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