I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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