The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
