my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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