we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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