I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm just crazy horny about you
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
