I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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