pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
