I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
