FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
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