You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
