When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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