So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize