Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!

(1-313): View more from Michigan

I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????

(313): View more from Michigan

Honestly.

(313): View more from Michigan

Don't say a word.

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(313) So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays! (1-313) I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol????? (313) Honestly. (313) Don't say a word. http://tfl.nu/wjb7

Replies (7) Good night (1285) Bad night (624)
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(804): View more from Virginia

You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.

(1-804): View more from Virginia

If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.

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(804): You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic. (1-804): If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator. http://tfl.nu/r2b2

Replies (5) Good night (1212) Bad night (616)
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(256): View more from Alabama

this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.

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(256): this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man. http://tfl.nu/hhwz

Replies (17) Good night (1206) Bad night (6200)
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(716): View more from New York

So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef

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(716): So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef http://tfl.nu/t05x

Replies (4) Good night (2667) Bad night (1433)
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(317): View more from Indiana

The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.

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(317): The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics. http://tfl.nu/667h

Replies (7) Good night (3557) Bad night (887)
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(317): View more from Indiana

Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.

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(317): Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays. http://tfl.nu/4yhe

Replies (9) Good night (1775) Bad night (1135)
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(404): View more from Georgia

I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this

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(404): I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this http://tfl.nu/fjnr

Replies (6) Good night (1652) Bad night (633)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey

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(717): apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey http://tfl.nu/5avv

Replies (4) Good night (2042) Bad night (1161)
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(440): View more from Ohio

I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again

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(440): I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again http://tfl.nu/lwkt

Replies (7) Good night (1649) Bad night (538)
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(720): View more from Colorado

I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.

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(720): I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/gexm

Replies (5) Good night (641) Bad night (1523)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.

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(870): Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants. http://tfl.nu/u5r1

Replies (1) Good night (649) Bad night (396)
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(772): View more from Florida

I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.

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(772): I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty. http://tfl.nu/zh78

Replies (3) Good night (969) Bad night (421)
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(810): View more from Michigan

I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.

(1-810): View more from Michigan

All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.

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(810): I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me. (1-810): All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one. http://tfl.nu/rkvc

Replies (4) Good night (1347) Bad night (328)
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(419): View more from Ohio

do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha

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(419): do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha http://tfl.nu/pj8e

Replies (0) Good night (725) Bad night (197)
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(512): View more from Texas

He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.

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(512): He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me. http://tfl.nu/p4r4

Replies (1) Good night (291) Bad night (631)

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