How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night