my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.