Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.