So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
