I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
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it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
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Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.