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I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
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