I'm really into asian looking animals
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
