So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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