tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
