If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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