There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
