I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
