Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
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Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
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So much Jack, so little girl.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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