he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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