smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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