Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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