I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
