Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
