Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
