whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
