I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i will never coherently bang her
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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