If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
